on breastfeeding: love is best | olive june

on breastfeeding: love is best

good morning! i had a different post planned for today, but paige of an uncomplicated life sparked some emotions in me earlier this morning with her post today, why breastfeeding moms are annoying. i have been living with societal pressures and personal guilt/emotions for two months now regarding my breastfeeding journey with parks so when i read this, i felt more at peace. i was grateful for this post. it was so relatable so i shared it on social media this morning with the note below regarding some of my opinions on this subject. 
"you will outgrow my lap, but never my heart."

my note: 

Such a great read. After almost five days in the hospital and a very hard labor and delivery, the lactation consultant came in the morning we were leaving (as my family was on their way to say goodbye) and completely belittled and disciplined me for giving my almost ten pound baby (who appeared to me to be starving) a bottle of formula the night before- she said his chances of asthma, allergies, diabetes by age 22, etc. are all increased now and blamed it on the fact that it was easier for me to fill his stomach with formula so I did (I was going on maybe three hours of sleep since Wednesday and it was Monday!!) I was emotional, in intense pain, and scared to go home. I could not even lift up my baby/move and everything was so new to me. Honestly, I had been trying my best throughout each hour of the day and night. I was exhausted. I said, "from one bottle?" and she said, "from one drop." She questioned me by saying, "how do you know he was starving?!" she yelled at me for using a shield, and kept mentioning how we don't even know what is in formula because they won't tell us and how scary is that?! she questioned. Along with several other cruel commments and when she left, I cried for the first time since my c-section- it was awful. I totally agree with this article; the groups and posts are just too much sometimes. I've tried so hard to breastfeed my two month old baby and would want nothing more than to be able to do so (but have had yeast mastitis for four weeks and it's been a major factor) so I am exclusively pumping at the moment. When women in these groups complain I feel like saying, but I would do anything to be able to! However, my baby prefers a bottle and I am accepting it. And fortunately, I found a phenomenal lactation consultant (at the other hospital in town!) Maybe (hopefully) things will be different with our future babes but staying calm, happy, and rested are so important to me as a mom. The opinions are too.much.for.me. (and it takes a lot to annoy me online!!) Thanks for sharing this!! An Uncomplicated Life Blog 💓 There are many things I could say. However, in the end, women need to lift one another up and not judge one another. I would never judge another mom for her choice of breastfeeding her baby or not?! Plus, there are so many women who would love nothing more than to hold and raise a baby. The comments I read in some of these support groups are terrible. I know it's an unbelievable bond (which again, these comments hurt because I would love nothing more) but trust me, there are other ways I will bond with my son. 
"Fed is best" in my opinion... better yet, "Love is best."
{this photo was taken last night before i read this post- how ironic that his bottle made the shot!}
let's life one another up 
it's so important. 
let's spread kindness to one another
i plan to surround myself with those who do- always. 
{and i foresee another post regarding this topic at some point but these are my thoughts today!}

and here is my birth story 

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  1. I cannot believe the consultant said that to you-how heartbreaking. I was dead-set on exclusively breastfeeding, and my doctor was so encouraging about it. But around four weeks, he was needing so much more than my body could make. It was sad, but once I realized how much happier he was when I added in some formula made it easier. I went to the doctors expecting to be chastised, but he was so gentle and said, "As a mother, you know what your child needs. If he needs formula, he needs formula. As long as he is happy and loved, it will be okay." That was exactly what I needed to hear.

    PS: Just a thought, I would contact the hospital about her. Not to get her in trouble, but so that other moms don't have to hear the same things.

  2. I'm so sorry you had to experience that awful lady. Hugs to you mama, you're doing great!

  3. Wow I can't believe that lady said that to you. I had trouble getting my baby to latch in the hospital and found out I have flat nipples (news to me!). We tried using a nipple shield, but she never got enough milk. We gave her formula right from the beginning. We tried breastfeeding with the shield for about 3 weeks or so and never got anywhere with it. I pumped and fed from a bottle what I could, but she still mostly drank formula. To say I felt like a failure is an understatement. I was jealous of all the moms on Facebook talking about breastfeeding until their kid was a year or even older. I never got that "bonding" moment that these moms talk about. I was worried about being able to afford formula. So many emotions. But now that my little girl is 6 months old, my views have changed. She's happy, healthy, sleeps really well, is growing like a weed, and I'm able to stay at home with her so there's many opportunities to bond in different ways. She has recently been wanting to be rocked to sleep for her naps, and I'm eating that up!!! Stay strong momma! We all are trying to do what's best for our babies, and no baby is the same.

    1. Such a great perspective!!
      ~ Liz (www.simplycomplexmom.com)

  4. So sorry you had to hear those awful words at such a tender time for you. You know what's best for your baby, even when you've only been a mama for a couple of days and are bone-tired. I'm not one to ruffle feathers or throw people under the bus, but I think it would be a good idea to inform the hospital of your experience. You don't even need to single her out, but perhaps the employees need some additional training on how to support EVERY mama, regardless of her choices. And yes, FED and LOVED is best! Hugs to you, friend!

  5. I am so sorry Nelle. That is just plain awful. What about babies who are adopted? Are they just screwed for life?! My brothers and I were breastfed and we all have allergies (plus one brother who has asthma). In the end loving our babies is what matters the most not how they were delivered or fed.

  6. I really wish I could understand why women do this to one another. Breastfed, bottle fed, cloth diapers, disposable, to go back to work or stay at home, it truly isn't anyone's business how you choose to care for your babies. Bonding is the key and it takes more than what you are feeding them. Hang in there and go with your gut! I would love for you to link this to my other party Tuesday Talk, still up and running. I want to feature this next week on it for my Baby Talk theme. Hop over and scroll down on the left hand side of my blog under recent posts and you will see it.

  7. Here is the link to my party I mentioned. http://grammietime2.blogspot.com/2016/03/tuesday-talk-65.html

  8. Some Lactation consultants are insane! My baby was little and had low blood sugar his first few days of life so it was either give him formula or start an IV to give him the glucose. Give my baby formula! Every mom is just doing the very best that she knows how and it's so sad that there is so much judging. You're amazing!

  9. It's a shame that you had to go through that with your lactation consultant. Having a newborn and recovering from a C-section, I would think she'd have more tact to coach you through breastfeeding.

    I agree with you that women need to lift each other up. As much as the consultant knows what she's doing, you are the mother of your child, and you and only you knows what's best for him. So if you thought he was hungry and the only way to feed him was formula, then all the more better that you did. Your job is to nourish him...and you do that however you can.

    I had the same experience with nursing my little girl. I couldn't give/pump enough milk for her and as a result, she wouldn't gain the proper weight during her check up. When my body finally had enough to feed her, the milk I was producing gave her jaundice. It was actually making her sick. I couldn't do anything but put her on formula. It was either that, or nourishing her with the milk that was making her ill. It was a tough choice, but in the end, I had to make it.

    Now she's two and growing like a weed. According to her doctor, her language development is advanced for her age and she's developing well. My point is this: as much as there is advantages breastfeeding (and there's a lot), it's not necessarily for everybody. There are other ways for kids to develop and be nourished--mind, body and soul.

    As a parent we do what's best for our kids. And "best" varies for every family. So you doing something different than other moms out there doesn't diminish your role as mom. And don't tell anyone tell you differently.

    Hang in there, mama! Keep up the good work and continue to support women and other moms out there.

    Thank you for sharing such an encouraging post with us on #shinebloghop!

  10. I had to click on this post immediately when I saw it on Peony! I was EPing for 3 whole months. I got mastitis and a terrible infection that we theorize came from our baby's mouth (staph) being in contact with my nipples' open wounds. It would've killed me had I not been treated right away. Never thought BF could be deadly! Now that my baby is 4 months, she just all of a sudden latched and started preferring me over her bottles. This was after I had given up all hopes of getting her back on because the stress of her screaming and screaming at me whenever I tried depressed me. One day when I cried in front of her, she just looked at me with wonder. From then on, she was BF, though not exclusively. It was a miracle. Honestly, I really like EPing. I had grown accustomed to it, and because my baby finishes a bottle so fast compared to BF, she is able to interact more with the world and the people around her including me, face to face. It wasn't like that when BF, so that is a plus. In my experience, we bonded more with bottles than BF. Exclusive BF was such a terrible, painful, and traumatizing experience for both of us. Your breasts are mostly a vehicle for food, even though it also for comfort. Bottles with hugs and kisses provide the same thing.

  11. Fed is best and better yet with love. I wrote a post also about not being able to breastfeed and while I did not have mastitis which ow! that must be do painful or the awful lactation consultant I do relate. I think being on the outside of the exclusive circle of breastfeeding mommas has taught me grace and allowed me a measure of humility as I have come to realize my limitations. And not to worry about little Parks future health ...my brothers were all bottle fed and I was breastfed. I wish I had their health. They have all grown up to be intelligent men -two engineers and one a lawyer and are successful, generous, social, athletic, loving individuals.